


Cheer Up, Emo Time Moppet

by LizBee



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-12
Updated: 2006-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-06 00:40:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizBee/pseuds/LizBee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The secret alien lovechild of the Doctor and Romana learns some hard facts about life.  A domestic epic in two four and a half parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Electronic Babysitter

Livia threw herself onto her bed and said, "It's not fair, K9."

"Fairness," said K9, "is irrelevant."

"You would say that." She aimed a pillow at him. It missed, and she rolled over onto her stomach to contemplate the rumpled bedclothes and compile a mental list of Things That Were Unfair.

One. Her mother, the very embodiment of unfairness. Livia was _fifteen years old_, nearly, and Mother still treated her like an infant, or at least the less entertaining kind of toddler. Leaving her here while _she_ went off to be entertained by alien aristocrats.

Two, K9. Who was all right for lessons, and quite handy when you were trapped in a temporal instability field and facing certain death – that had been a month ago, and he was _still_ preening – but she was too old for a babysitter, even one in the form of a robot dog.

...But perhaps K9 wasn't the one to blame for that. Given a choice, Livia knew perfectly well that he'd rather be accompanying her mother than sitting around the TARDIS revising advanced mathematics.

And that was another thing, the TARDIS. If Romana were a _proper_ Time Lady, she'd have a _proper_ TARDIS, not this funny old thing that combined the technology of eighteen different races. Sure, it looked all right on the surface, but Livia could tell.

And yet everyone always said it was her imagination. Well, her mother, anyway.

It just wasn't fair.

And it was time to do something about that.

Livia stood up.

"K9," she said, "I'm going out."

"Mistress Romana said--"

"I know, K9." She pushed an errant curl out of her eyes. "Don't worry. I'll be back before anyone knows I'm gone."

"That statement is illogical--"

Livia left the room before he could finish speaking, and was closing the TARDIS door behind her as he entered the console room.

For a moment, she didn't know what to do.

Of _course_ she'd been on alien planets before, but never _alone_. Never with a few hours of unsupervised freedom ahead of her, provided that she could avoid her mother and K9.

She turned back to mark the location of the TARDIS – it looked like any other tapestry hanging on the walls, but the design was worked in bright purple instead of dull green – and then made her escape up a flight of stairs too narrow to accommodate K9.

She laughed to herself as she ran.

The staircase ended in a wide, attractive room, still bathed in the light of the planet's second sun. It was warm and still, and Livia could think of nothing more perfect.

"Lovely, isn't it?" said a voice behind her.

She jumped and turned, and the newcomer laughed. Behind him, the wall had vanished, replaced by a wide, ornate staircase.

"I'm sorry," he said. "When I saw you there, I couldn't resist." He straightened his elaborately embroidered coat and smoothed his hair. Livia observed that, despite his rich attire, he looked slightly disordered, as if he had just been exerting himself. A minor noble, then. The important ones made a point of doing as little as possible. Her mother had insisted she study the sociological structure of this planet, even though she wasn't supposed to meet any of the natives. At the time, this had seemed desperately unfair. Now it seemed useful.

Livia smiled. "It's all right," she said. "I thought everyone would be down at the feast."

"Yes." His smile was, she thought, slightly forced. "The feast. It – broke up."

"Oh."

"But never mind that." He strode over to the window and looked down at the city. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Hallas." He executed a neat bow. No one had ever bowed to her before.

"Hallas," she said, distracted. "But that's a title, not a name."

He looked puzzled. "Most people," he said, "recognise me from the coinage."

"Well," she realised she was twisting a curl of hair nervously around her finger, "I only arrived here a few days ago. I haven't had a chance to explore."

"Ah." He circled her, sounding both puzzled and pleased, "you must be with the Lady Romana."

_Hah_, she thought, _it's Lady Romana this time_.

"She's my mother."

"_Really_." Now he sounded delighted. Well, people did like her mother. It was mortifying and useful in equal measures. "I had no idea. What a miracle you are."

"My mother," Livia said with what she hoped was a weary smile, "says I'm the product of a series of random and unpredictable factors that would be impossible to reproduce in a controlled environment. I suppose that's her way of saying I'm a miracle."

"And your father? Is he lurking about somewhere?"

She laughed. "He's off in another universe. It's just the two of us. And K9." At his puzzled look she added, "that's our dog."

"How lovely. Just the two of you."

There were footsteps coming up the wider staircase, and Romana appeared. Her face fell when she saw Livia.

Livia opened her mouth to offer a long and convincing explanation of her presence, but she was hindered by the sudden grip of a hand around her neck, and the cold barrel of a weapon pressed against her head.

"Lady Romana," said Hallas, "may I suggest you tell your rebels to stand down?"

"Oh, they're not my rebels. They were planning this long before I arrived on this planet."

"But they would never have dared to act without your interference?"

"Maybe not. Will you shoot my daughter if I don't do as you say?"

In response, Hallas tightened his grip around Livia's throat.

"Oh dear," said Romana, not sounding especially perturbed. "I expect that would make me unhappy."

In the distance, Livia could hear shouts and the clash and buzz of weapons. And something else, too, like someone cutting through stone with a laser.

"Why don't we discuss this?" Romana offered Hallas a wide smile. "It's not too late to talk things over like adults. What could you offer the rebels, to prevent them from destroying your government?"

"Quick executions. They're slaves, nothing more."

"Oh dear. That's not the right kind of spirit at all." The sound of the laser was growing closer. "Let's try some lateral thinking. If you don't negotiate with the rebels, you will lose your position, and your chancellor will take your place."

"That soft fool."

"I found him quite sensible. Did you know, he studied with--" Romana broke off, looking past Hallas, and said, "now, K9!"

"Switching to stun setting."

Hallas crumpled into a heap at Livia's feet. The sudden lack of pressure on her neck was enough to make her dizzy, but she had no time to enjoy the sensation before a strong hand closed over her shoulder, and her mother hurried her down the stairs.

"Quickly, before Hallas's guard find us--"

"Ow! You're hurting me--"

"Your timing could have been better, K9."

"Density of stone was greater than estimated, Mistress."

"Moth_er_\--"

"I'll speak to you in the TARDIS. Mind that molten stone--"

In the TARDIS, Livia was ignored entirely as her mother threw switches and activated the dematerialisation sequence. A good few minutes passed before Romana turned around with a sigh and said, "What am I to do with you, Livia?"

"Well," she said thoughtfully, "you're probably angry that I disobeyed you, but so glad that I'm all right that you're not going to punish me?"

"Am I?"

"If it wasn't for your silly rules, I wouldn't have sneaked out at all!"

"So ... if I changed the rules, you could do exactly the same thing but without fear of punishment?"

Put that way, it didn't sound precisely as Livia had imagined.

"And if you think I should let you wander about while a slave revolt is being planned, you're quite wrong."

"How was I to know there was a slave revolt?" snapped Livia.

"I spent two weeks living in the slave quarters! Did you imagine I was doing it for fun?"

Livia found that she didn't have an answer to this, mostly because it hadn't crossed her mind to wonder why her mother had been gone for that time. She'd spent the two weeks listening to loud music (ignoring K9's protests) and trying on her mother's clothes.

"Livia," said Romana, "I'm afraid there's just no way I can even consider giving you free rein to do as you please until you can demonstrate more maturity than you have today. Maybe in fifty years..."

"Fifty years!"

"You can't just go blundering around alien life forms without the slightest bit of education--"

"Education! You just want to lock me up in the TARDIS with K9!" Livia crossed her arms defiantly. "Well, you can't do it. I'm going into my room, and I'm never coming out, and I'm never speaking to you again, so long as I live. So there."

As she left, she heard her mother say, "Don't worry, K9. She'll get bored before two hundred years have passed."

Which was completely unfair, Livia thought, and she slammed her door particularly hard to say so.

 

To be continued...


	2. Pregnant Pause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Put on some flashback music as we step back in time! In a fic based on a time-travel series, shocking, I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still oppressing, after all these days.

_Approximately fifteen years and nine months earlier, give or take however much time you feel appropriate for Gallifreyan gestation_...

"That can't possibly be right."

"Double-checking results," said K9. "Probability of error zero point zero zero zero zero--"

"Run a diagnostic on your sensors," Romana ordered. K9 did so with an injured chitter, even though both of them knew there was no point.

"I can't possibly have a baby," she said. "I'm only one hundred and twenty-seven! I have a whole species to liberate." She sank into a dusty chair and stared bleakly out at the unreal landscape of the Tharils' dimensional territory. "I'm not even in the right universe!"

"Diagnostic complete. This unit is functioning normally."

"Oh," said Romana. "Good."

On the other hand, there were worse places than E-space to deal with unscheduled procreation. Gallifrey, for example. Now _that_ would be embarrassing. Unmanaged uterine reproduction was purely for the less evolved kinds of aliens. So messy. So undignified. The unspeakable Angiratalor would be impossibly smug; she never had forgiven Romana for getting that Triple First and claiming the top rank in their class.

And that was without contending with the Doctor, who would no doubt see this as a grand opportunity to pass on his own particular brand of chaos. Not that it wasn't a lovely kind of chaos, but children needed structure in their lives, not weekly encounters with Daleks and Cybermen and giant tentacle creatures. At home, this structure was provided by trained specialists, who supervised the child-rearing process from the construction of the genetic material to preparations for entrance to the Academy. The system was safe and predictable, carefully designed to create well-adjusted and socially functional Time Lords. It was all terribly sensible, although Romana occasionally wondered if something had gone horribly wrong with the Doctor's generation. Some kind of genetic experiment, perhaps, or maybe the specialists had been using mind-altering chemicals. On themselves or the children.

E-space was looking better and better every day.

"I don't suppose you have any suggestions for names, K9?"

"This unit is familiar with the naming traditions of thirty-two billion, eighty--"

"Never mind. 'Fred' will do."

"Mistress?"

An awful thought struck her. "K9? How am I supposed to give birth here?"

K9 chittered hopefully. "I am familiar with Gallifreyan physiology, Mistress."

Romana stared at him.

"K9," she said, "you don't have hands."

K9's tail sensor drooped.

 

To be continued!


	3. The Oncoming Snit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm almost certain Gallifrey existed when I left N-space..." Cheer up, emo Time Mum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oppression_ by Calvin Klein. For the fangirl in all of us.

_Dear Generic Human Adolescent Periodical,_

_Every time I try to get my mother to see things from my perspective, she starts talking about maturity and perception and implying that I don't have these qualities. How can I make her see reason?  
Yrs sincerely, Emo in E-Space_

Livia marched into the console room. She found her mother engrossed the installation of a sub-dimensional stabiliser, and had to pointedly clear her throat twice before Romana looked up and said, "Good morning, Livia. Could you hand me a transfer link, please?"

"I've decided what I want to do with my life," Livia announced.

"Oh, good. But none of us will be doing anything if I don't get that power link in a hurry."

"Here."

When the stabiliser had been installed, Romana said, "Now. What was it you wanted to do with your life?"

Livia straightened her spine and raised her chin proudly.

"I want to go to Gallifrey," she said.

There was silence for a moment. Then Romana said, "Don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? I'm being perfectly reasonable! I mean," Livia realised she was yelling and returned her voice to a normal tone, "you're always talking about my education, and the need for proper discipline. Isn't Gallifrey the perfect place for that sort of thing?"

Romana said nothing.

"I could be a Prydonian," Livia added.

Romana looked like she was doubting that this was a good thing. It wasn't at all the response that Livia had expected, and she felt her temper beginning to rise.

"I mean, really, Mother," she said, "you didn't seriously imagine I'd want to spend my entire life in E-space? Only ever meeting aliens, never knowing another Time Lord…"

"But … Gallifrey is full of rules," said Romana. "Real rules, I mean, that you'd have to follow."

"I can follow rules!"

"You simply choose not to when it suits you?"

"Um."

"On Gallifrey, they take those things very seriously." Romana turned an old bit of filament around in her fingers. "A lot of the rules are unwritten. When a Time Lord violates the rules – or expectations – the consequences can be – awkward. Your father—"

"Was exiled for years, I _know_." Livia crossed her arms. "I've _heard_ this story."

"Then maybe you should learn something from it," Romana snapped. "You'd start off in an awkward position. You're the first unauthorised biological child in—"

"I know what this is about! You're just worried that I'm going to embarrass you."

"That's not—" Romana faltered. "Well, slightly. But I don't think you'd be happy on Gallifrey. And I can't say I'd be overjoyed to return."

"Fine," Livia snapped. "We'll stay in E-Space forever, and I'll just rot in here."

She stormed out in a huff. She passed K9 on her way to her room.

"Do _you_ want to stay here forever?" she asked.

He twirled his ear sensors in confusion. "I am not programmed to want things," he said.

"Yeah. Lucky you."

*

Late that night, Livia was woken by a knock on her door.

"What?"

"It's me," her mother called.

"Obviously. K9 isn't equipped for knocking."

Livia hadn't quite intended that as an invitation, but her mother opened the door anyway.

"I've been thinking," she said. "You're right."

Livia sat up. "Huh?"

"You're right." Romana activated the lights. "You do have the right to see Gallifrey, and learn there, and meet – people. I was being unfair."

"Oh."

"I should have known years ago that E-space would grow too small for you."

"Mm."

"I never realised how quickly you'd grow. I'm sorry."

Livia would have liked to preen at what she was almost certain was a compliment, but she had just realised she was still holding a plush toy with three eyes and tentacles, and it wasn't quite consistent with the image of maturity she felt she should be presenting.

*

Leaving E-space was the easy part.

"A few hours," Romana said, "and we'll be at Gallifrey." She was wearing a defiantly scarlet jacket, and looked slightly pale. Livia was politely ignoring this.

One small problem, though.

"Check your readings again, K9."

"Results unchanged, Mistress."

"But that's impossible."

"Maybe we're lost," said Livia helpfully.

Her mother gave her a baleful look.

"No, really. This TARDIS was designed for E-space. It's probably having trouble coping with positive co-ordinates."

"_I_ have no such problems," said K9. He sounded slightly put out.

"But look at all the work we had to do to make sure you'd function in normal space," said Livia.

K9 chirped with disdain. The technological indignities he had suffered were far too unpleasant to speak of, which was why Livia tried to raise them at every possible opportunity.

"There's no mistake," said Romana eventually. "Gallifrey is simply … not there."

"What would make a whole planet disappear from time like that?"

"I don't like to think." But Romana evidently was thinking, because after a moment she added, "but I have a pretty good idea who to blame."

*

"Gallifrey?" The wizened old storyteller sucked thoughtfully on her remaining teeth. "That's a myth, isn't it? Time Lords and that. The kiddies like it."

"What happened to it?" Livia asked.

"They say there was a war…"

*

"Request information about planet Gallifrey."

"Aren't you a nice little doggie?"

"Request information about planet Gallifrey. Key words, Time War."

"Oh dear. The Time War. That's in the mythology section. Daleks and all that."

Silence.

"Well there's no need to beep at me like that."

*

"I'm looking for a man—"

"Aren't we all?"

"He calls himself the Doctor."

"Oh. Him. Odd fellow, bit full of himself?"

"That sounds right."

"He saved us from an invasion a while back. Little blond curls, big smile, coat like a cheap kaleidoscope?"

"Sure," said Romana with a sigh, "why not?"

*

"Lonely god!" Romana closed the TARDIS door behind her with a slam. "_Lonely god_!"

"Oh boy," Livia whispered to K9.

"When I'm finished with him, he'll be too busy regenerating to be lonely!"

"Mother--?"

"I'll give him 'Oncoming Storm'!"

*

There was a memorial. Carved into a monolith on a desolate alien world, pictograms portrayed a war between flesh and metal, a war that transcended time and ended in mutual destruction, with one survivor walking away.

Beneath it, someone had carved, _You are not alone_.

"There must be someone else," said Romana.

"Um," said Livia.

"What?"

"Well, there is someone else. You and I. And, um, that's my handwriting."

Romana fingered the carvings. They were at least a millennium old.

"All those times I've tried to teach you about the dangers of creating paradoxes," she said sadly. "And now I see there's simply no point."

They stood in silence for several minutes.

"Do you still have my cherry-red lipstick?" Romana asked.

"It's in my bag," said Livia. Belatedly she remembered that she had borrowed it without permission six weeks earlier, and then claimed she'd never seen it, but her mother didn't appear to notice. Romana uncapped the lipstick and left a message of her own. It was considerably ruder than the one Livia would leave.

"I didn't even know you knew those words," said Livia later.

Her mother said nothing.

"I don't even know what some of them mean."

"Good."

And that was all that was said about it.

*

Earth wasn't living up to Livia's expectations. For one thing, it was a lot greyer than she'd expected, and they'd been here a week, and not a single alien had tried to invade.

"Sugar?"

"Two, please, no milk."

"I'm not sure if I can be much help to you." Sarah Jane Smith sipped her tea thoughtfully. "I didn't hear from the Doctor for years until I ran into him last month."

"But he is alive?"

"Oh yes." Sarah Jane leaned back, gaze flickering occasionally to Livia. "He's regenerated again. He looks like a very attractive weasel. And I think he's longsighted. The TARDIS hasn't changed, though."

Romana asked, "Is he alone?"

"He's travelling with a girl named Rose, who says she's not his assistant. But you can't make any jokes about that, because I've already told all the good ones. And a boy named Mickey." She stared absently over Livia's shoulder. "It's so strange," she added. "I didn't think that Time Lords—"

"They don't," said Romana. "In the usual course of events."

"She looks awfully like him."

"I know." Romana sounded resigned. "It was impossible to miss."

"I _am_ in the room, you know," said Livia.

"It must be difficult, raising her on your own."

"Oh well," Romana waved her hand vaguely, "there's always K9."

In unison, both women turned to look at the K9s, who were examining each other's upgrades.

"It's a difficult age," Romana added.

"Teenagers love to think they know everything."

"Ex_cuse_ me," said Livia.

Romana and Sarah Jane looked at her.

"Well, I'm not invisible," she said.

"We're trying to have a conversation," said Romana gently. "Why don't you take the dogs for a walk?"

On the whole, Livia decided, she was beginning to miss E-space.

*

The plan – not that Livia thought it should be dignified with that name – was to hang around Earth until something happened and the Doctor turned up. At which point, she assumed, there would be an unpleasant and embarrassing scene.

In the end, it only took a month, and in the meantime, her mother and Sarah Jane dealt with any number of incidents themselves. Livia was permitted to accompany them, but the thrill vanished surprisingly quickly when she realised that her primary job involved keeping a look-out and making sure the K9s were where they were meant to be.

Saving the world was _so_ boring.

She was waiting outside a warehouse, early one Thursday morning, when a new sound interrupted the wails of sirens and marauding aliens. A TARDIS.

Aliens, humans, K9s and her mother could look after themselves. Livia began to run towards the new sound.

The TARDIS was deserted by the time she found it, an incongruously blue box sitting peacefully beside an overflowing bin. Livia lurked at the edge of the alleyway, considering. The key to her mother's TARDIS hung around her neck. She fingered it absently. That TARDIS had been based on this one…

Her key was a perfect fit. The door swung open without hesitation.

 

To be continued


	4. Total Eclipse of the Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor is given no choice about doing domestic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Low in fat, high in oppression!

It was very different to her mother's TARDIS. Amber and green rather than white and blue; elaborate colonnades instead of plain, smooth walls. A series of notes had been stuck to the console. Beside the door were three pairs of Converse sneakers, all in different colours, and a pair of electric blue high heels. And a single rollerskate.

Livia barely had time to register these details before the door opened again. She swung around, taking in the brown hair, the lean face, the oversized glasses. No curls. No scarf. No oversized teeth. She felt cheated.

"Morning," he said, going straight to the console and barely looking at her. "Don't suppose you've seen a subatomic wrench anywhere? Carry it around for weeks and never use it, and the one day you need it, you've left it somewhere."

"It's on the console," she said. "Next to a reminder about adjusting the power cells and buying milk."

"Good. Excellent. Can't sabotage things without it. Well, I could, but Rose has the sonic screwdriver. By the way, who are you, and why are you in my TARDIS?"

"I'm—" Livia broke off, searching for words, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Never mind. Aliens to fight. Why Earth, I always wonder? Is it for the food? Oh well. Come on!"

He raced off, trailing Livia in his wake.

"So who are you again?" he called over his shoulder.

"My name's Livia." That wasn't enough. "You knew my mother once. You travelled with her."

He skidded to a stop and stared at her.

"You're my father," she added, just so everything was perfectly clear.

"Did Jackie Tyler put you up to this?"

"Sorry?"

"Sort of thing she'd think was funny, anyway." But he was no longer laughing, and his face had grown suspicious.

"We came all the way from E-space," she said sadly. "And Gallifrey was gone, and we set out to find you, and my mother is _furious_..." She trailed off and stared at him.

The awkward silence was broken by the welcome sound of an explosion, followed by a distinct _squelching_ noise, and footsteps.

"Doctor!"

Approaching at a run was a young blonde woman – human, Livia assumed. The Doctor turned to her with visible relief, which faded as she said, "Doctor! Sarah Jane! Is back there, with K9 – two K9s! And another woman!" She came to a halt, puffing, and added, "all this chasing about, you'd think I'd be a bit fitter. Who's that?" She nodded at Livia.

"Never mind her--"

"Hey!" said Livia.

"--Two K9s, you said?" The Doctor began to march towards the warehouse with the expression of a man striding to his death.

"And a woman--"

"Blonde?"

The girl nodded. "They stopped the – bitey eatey thing." She wiped a smear of slime off her shirt. "Sticky, isn't it?" She turned back to Livia. "I'm Rose, by the way."

"Livia."

"And you're here because..."

"Long story."

The Doctor was well ahead of them now. Livia began to run, leaving Rose behind.

She saw her mother and Sarah Jane before the Doctor did: standing outside the warehouse, wiping slime off their arms and laughing.

They stopped laughing when they saw the Doctor. Livia's mother took a few steps forward, moving slowly, as if she were in pain.

Sarah Jane was biting her lip. The K9s were circling. Watching her parents approached one another, Livia fancied that the air was crackling with tension, although it was actually a gentle breeze that carried the scents of river-water and alien slime.

"Doctor."

"Romana."

Livia held her breath, bracing herself against the onslaught of maternal anger – no less terrifying for being directed at someone else, and possibly even more embarrassing. The only question was whether her mother would say something cutting, or yell, or hit him.

Romana burst into tears.

It was worse than Livia could ever have imagined.

"What's happening?" Rose demanded behind her. Livia whirled around.

"Can't you _see_?" she snapped, "this is the worst day of my _life_."

*

They all – humans, Time Lords, dogs and TARDIS – returned to Sarah Jane's house after Romana had calmed herself, and Livia began to hope that the long-anticipated argument might be avoided. She sat between her parents on Sarah Jane's sofa, while her mother drank sweet tea and her father snuck sidelong glances at both of them.

"So," he said eventually, "grew up in E-space, did you? That must have been ... interesting."

"Not really," said Livia.

"No ... always thought it was a bit dull, myself. Too small. Too crowded. Bit rubbish, really. N-space is heaps better. You got Daleks, Cybermen, evil blobby things that live in the cerebellum and eat your grey matter – it's great."

On Livia's other side, Romana made a small choking noise.

"I don't see what you're so angry about," said the Doctor over Livia's head. "I mean, sure, you had to raise her, but it's not like I was the only one present at the conception. And as I recall, it was _you_ who initiated--"

Livia sprang from the sofa. "Mother!" she shrieked, "you told me aliens made you do it!"

From across the room, Rose called, "And you believed her?" at the same time as Sarah Jane collapsed in laughter and Romana stood up and snapped, "Once again, Doctor, you've managed to _completely_ miss the point!"

When she had his full attention she continued, "I'm not in the least bit angry about Livia. She was rather good company before she entered puberty, and I expect she'll be bearable again afterwards."

"Mother!"

"I'm _angry_ about Gallifrey."

"Oh," the Doctor said. "That."

"I'm sure I don't have to point out that it's ceased to exist."

"Um," said the Doctor, "yes."

"And the general consensus in this dimension is that you had something to do with it."

"Ah." He grimaced. "It seemed like a good idea at the time, you know. What with the war, and the paradoxes, and the Daleks about to take control of the Eye of Harmony and the various accoutrements of Rassilon."

"You destroyed it! Millions of years of civilisation wiped out because one egomaniacal lunatic couldn't come up with something better!"

"But you didn't like Gallifrey!" Now the Doctor was on his feet too. "I mean – you left me rather than go back."

Romana opened her mouth to answer, then looked around.

"Shall we discuss this somewhere more private?"

"Good idea."

They retreated into Sarah Jane's spare room. Livia sank back onto the sofa and buried her head in her hands. Rose sat down beside her.

"Yeah," she said, "I used to wish I was adopted too."

Livia looked up. "How did you get over it?"

Rose shrugged. "I ran off to travel time and space with the Doctor."

"I don't think that will work for me."

"You could get a job in a shop?"

Livia got to her feet. "I need a glass of water," she said.

When Sarah Jane found her, some minutes later, crouched beside the door to the spare room with the glass between her ear and the door, she just shook her head.

"It's your funeral," she said. "Or regeneration, I suppose."

"Sshh!"

Her parents were speaking in low voices, and she could only make out snatches of conversation.

"...to Adric? I suppose you got him blown up as well."

Silence, then the Doctor muttered something about Cybermen.

"What's happening?" asked Rose, joining them. Sarah Jane and Livia shushed her.

"Crashed into _what_? And you think you should..." Her mother's voice became indistinct.

"I have a lot of experience with teenage girls!"

This was easily audible. Rose started to laugh, and had to stuff her sleeve into her mouth to keep quiet.

"I bet you do!"

Sarah Jane was unable to repress a giggle. Livia wondered if there was any possibility of being swallowed by the ground beneath her.

"I practically raised Susan single-handedly!"

"And look how she ended up!"

Livia put the superfluous glass of water down.

"I thought she did very well for herself."

"Married to a freedom fighter in a war against the Daleks? You don't think that speaks of psychological issues?"

Rose's giggles turned into hiccups.

"Made sense to me."

"Query, Mistress," said K9, "what is purpose of this gathering?"

"Sshh!" said everyone.

"We're eavesdropping," said Sarah Jane.

The two K9's tail sensors wagged disapprovingly. But they both remained.

The argument had become inaudible again. Livia reached for her glass, and found it empty.

"I drank it, sorry," said Rose. Under Livia's glare she added, "I had the hiccups!"

"K9," said Sarah Jane, "can't you--?"

"Eavesdropping on the Doctor Master and Mistress Romana conflicts with my ethical subroutines."

"Blast your ethical subroutines."

The door opened.

"If you are all _quite_ finished," said Romana.

"Let's take this somewhere else," said the Doctor. "Or maybe somewhen."

"That's the most sensible thing you've said all day. Livia, do get up off the floor, you look absolutely ridiculous."

"My TARDIS or yours?" asked the Doctor as they walked away.

"Does yours still work?"

"As well as she ever did." The Doctor sounded slightly offended.

"That's not entirely reassuring," said Romana, "but mine is having a problem with the temporal flux inhibitor."

"Mine it is, then." The Doctor waved vaguely at them all. "Back soon, Rose. Nice to see you again, Sarah Jane. Stay out of trouble, K9 ... and K9. Livia, um..."

"Don't let her get you down," said Livia.

"Right. Thanks. Um. Yeah."

Rose went to the door to watch them leave. As the TARDIS dematerialised – to the consternation of the woman next door, who was watering her roses at the time – she said, "I can't believe he just went off like that."

"He'll be back," said Sarah Jane. As if to reassure herself she added, "Romana wouldn't let him abandon Livia."

"Who is Susan?" Rose wondered.

"His granddaughter," said Livia. "My neice, actually."

"Oh." Rose twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "He's got a few kids, then. Or did have."

"I hope," said Sarah Jane in a careful voice, "that you're taking – precautions."

"What? Oh no, it's not like that at all." Rose was speaking very quickly, and her ears were red.

Livia sat on the floor and petted K9.

"Do Cybermen feel humiliation?" she asked.

"Negative, Mistress Livia. Cybermen feel no emotion."

"Then I wish I were a Cyberman. Then they'd all be sorry."

"That course of action is inadvisble, Mistress."

"It was a joke, K9."

"Yes, Mistress."

 

to be continued (again)


	5. Like Sands Through the Hourglass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everything is wrapped up to the satisfaction of hardly anyone.

It turned out that the Doctor's definition of "back soon" was unlike any Livia had ever encountered before.

"He promised to come back for Sarah Jane, too," Rose said quietly that evening, "and he did – twenty years later."

"My mother won't let him do that," said Livia.

"He's always had a bit of trouble with the TARDIS," said Sarah Jane as she prepared dinner. "Always out by a few minutes, or hours, or centuries."

"My mother's a very good temporal navigator," said Livia.

"The Doctor Master is highly unpredictable," said K9 as Livia prepared for bed that night.

"Don't you start," said Livia.

Sarah Jane said they were welcome to stay as long as they wanted, but on the third day – when Livia's K9 unit went a bit too far into the Internet and picked up several virii and some very bad language – she began to look a bit ... testy. Livia, Rose and K9 decamped to Rose's mother's home.

"And how'd you fall in with this lot, then?" Jackie asked over dinner.

"The Doctor's an old friend of my mother's," was all Livia said, and although Jackie was clearly unhappy at leaving it at that, she let Rose steer the conversation in other directions.

"Thanks," Rose said later. "She'd get all ... funny. You know."

Livia didn't, but she wasn't going to admit it.

She and Rose split their days between shopping and watching television, until Friday, when Jackie kicked them out because she had a date.

"Mum!"

"Well, I'm not going to stop living my life because you're in another galaxy, and I'm not bringing him home to find two girls and a robot dog hanging around." Jackie paused. "Where is that dog, anyway? We're not supposed to have pets in here."

"I am not a pet," K9 protested, emerging from a tangle of wires extruding from a power point. "I am a mobile computer unit."

"You're shaped like a--!" Jackie broke off mid-sentence, and turned to Livia. "He's shaped like a dog!"

"I suppose it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"I can't believe you're chucking us out on the street because you have a date," Rose complained as she repacked her bag.

"Maybe if you did the dishes once in a while ... cleaned up your mess ... maybe bought some groceries once in a while ... just because you've decided to visit this planet for once doesn't mean anything else changes."

They left rather quickly after that, and retreated to Sarah Jane's couch to eat chocolate and watch _Buffy_.

"I wish I was special," said Livia darkly.

"You're one of three Time Lords in the entire universe," suggested Rose.

"It's not the same."

Livia had privately hoped her parents wouldn't return until after they had watched all of Sarah Jane's _Buffy_ DVDs. Three days after they'd run out of DVDs, she was beginning to regret that. She was almost, but not quite, bored enough to ask K9 for tutoring, and Rose was beginning to talk idly about doing her A levels.

"You could come along with me if you're that bored," said Sarah Jane over dinner. "Children have been disappearing in Swindon. I've been looking into it."

"Aliens?" asked Rose hopefully.

Sarah Jane shrugged. "Or a psychopath."

"So when do we leave?" Livia demanded, "tonight?"

Sarah Jane and Rose exchanged a look.

"Not you, Livia," said Sarah Jane gently. "I'm sorry, but I can't expose a child--"

"I'm not a child!"

"--or even a young adult to that sort of ugliness."

Livia scowled. "I'm not scared," she said. "I've seen Rose's mother first thing in the morning--"

"Oy!"

"--Not to mention my mother after she disembowelled a rabid tentacle creature."

"It's your mother," said Sarah Jane, "that I'm worried about. But," she added quickly, "we can discuss it again in the morning if you like."

"Fine," Livia muttered.

She came down early the next morning, but the house was empty but for the two K9s. Sitting on the table was a note:

_Dear Livia,  
Gone to hunt aliens, or possibly psychopaths. There's leftover macaroni in the fridge.  
Sarah Jane and Rose  
PS. The K9s have strict orders not to let you out of the house. Terribly sorry, but your mother would murder us if she found out we'd taken you along, and we only have one life each._

Livia looked up from the note. The K9s were watching her closely, their ear sensors rotating in unison.

"Don't bother," she said, "I can't be bothered escaping."

She sat on the sofa and watched "Becoming" four times. If she were special, and had a tortured lover to cast into Hell, _then_ she'd be happy.

*

Late on Friday evening, or early on Saturday morning, she was woken by the sound of a TARDIS materialising downstairs. She crawled out of bed and stood at the top of the stairs.

"There," she heard the Doctor say, "that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"It's the middle of the night." Livia's mother sounded more amused than angry, which was probably a good sign.

"I never promised perfection."

"No, I suppose you didn't." Now her mother sounded like she was on the edge of laughter. "Well there's no point in waking everyone up. I'm going back to bed." She must have been walking away, because her voice was indistinct when she spoke again. Livia heard the TARDIS door close with a soft click.

She, too, went back to bed, and burrowed far beneath the blankets until the sound of her heartsbeats was loud in her ears.

*

The sun was just rising when Livia woke up again, but she could hear someone moving about downstairs. And singing. There was definitely singing.

The lyrics became distinguishable as she crept downstairs:

"_Dadadada can never remember that line,  
And Rassilon's rod was in great demand,  
Can't remember that line, something about keys,  
But Omega preferred to use his hand._"

The Doctor was cooking breakfast as he sang, achieving both with more proficiency than skill. He stopped singing when he saw Livia standing in the doorway. The tops of his ears turned red.

"Morning," he said. "I'm making breakfast."

"I can see that." In addition to the bacon, eggs and toast, there was a pile of some unfamiliar fruit. Its dark red skin matched the stains on her father's tie. She sat down at the kitchen table. "Have you sorted it all out with Mother, then?"

"Oh yes. Didn't take long at all, barring a couple of alien invasions and the odd political revolution. Do you like your yolks hard or soft?"

"I don't know. I've never had eggs. The aliens must have been dangerous."

"What makes you say that?"

"There's a bite mark on your neck."

His ears turned red. "I fought 'em off all right," he muttered.

"Did you have a fight with my mother?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"What sort of a manner of speaking?" Rose entered the kitchen. She pulled a face at the Doctor by way of greeting and sat up on the bench.

"Morning, Rose. Remember how I promised to take you to the crystal cliffs of Altara Four?"

"That sing in sunset, yeah."

"Well, the trip's off. The cliffs aren't precisely there anymore." He looked more pleased than ashamed.

"You destroyed a planetary artifact while you were having a fight?" Livia demanded.

"No, the Sontarans destroyed it while they were invading. Caught us right in the middle of an argument which I was about to win with my quick wits and perfect recall."

"So you were losing," said Sarah Jane, doing up the cord of her dressing gown and leaning against the doorframe.

"In a word, yes. But then the Sontarans showed up, and someone thought it would be clever to use the resonance of the crystal cliffs to mirror their weapons." He turned to Rose, who was sniffing at his alien red fruit. "Nice stuff, that. Try it with some sugar. Grows on some human colonies. On one planet, they use it in their wedding ceremonies."

Rose, who had just taken a bite of the fruit, spat it out and said, "We're not married now, are we? 'Cos my mother will kill you for not inviting her."

"Nah, you have to eat it while dancing around a candle in the moonlight. Well, a set of candles, really. Bit of a fire hazard."

Something compelled Rose, Sarah Jane and Livia to look down. The cuffs of his trousers were slightly singed. Rose was making a choking noise, but Livia's mind was still on the Sontarans.

"Why didn't the weapons mirror work?" Livia asked. "Mother's very good at calculating resonance patterns."

"Who said it didn't work? No more Sontarans. No more cliffs, either. Turns out they were glass, not crystal, and the whole singing effect came from hiding choirs behind the cliffs. The Altaran authorities weren't exactly pleased that the truth had come out." The Doctor flipped an egg and tilted his head thoughtfully. "Persona non grata is such a harsh phrase, don't you think?"

"Ingrates," said Romana, sweeping in. "We should have left them to the Sontarans."

"I thought it was funny."

"I thought I was going to regenerate, I was so embarrassed." She picked up a piece of fruit and sat down at the table, peeling it neatly. "After that," she said, "there didn't seem much point in arguing. So we went sight-seeing."

"_Sight-seeing_?" said Livia.

"Well, it's been a long time since I was last in this universe." She reached up into her uncharacteristically messy hair, pulled a butterfly-shaped pin from the tangles and looked at it oddly.

Rose was making choking noises again.

"Where did you go?" Sarah Jane asked.

"Oh, here and there. We spent some time in Paris, that was nice." Romana smiled at the Doctor. "It always seems to come back to Paris with you."

"It's a nice city."

"I was glad to get out of those corsets, though. The men's clothes were much better."

"You almost gave the king a heart attack."

"Is it my fault he's never met a Time Lady in breeches before? And what was he saying about mechanical men attacking--"

"Here, Rose," said the Doctor quickly, handing her a glass of water, "this should take care of those hiccups."

"This is all very nice," said Livia, "but when are you going to explain how you came to get married?"

An awkward silence fell. Glances were exchanged.

"Oh, look," said the Doctor, "breakfast. Who wants breakfast?"

"We were building up to telling you," said Romana gently.

"When? Next year?"

Rose had the hiccups again.

"I mean, you can't just go making a big change like that without telling anyone! You didn't even invite me!"

"It seemed like the best possible option for everyone," explained her mother. "You get a proper family, we get--" She was apparently unable to articulate what she got, because she just smiled and backtracked. "Everyone will be happy this way."

Rose was beginning to sound as if she was in serious distress.

"You didn't even tell me," said Livia.

"I'm sorry."

"I mean, if you're going to go and give someone exactly what they've always secretly wanted, you should give them some warning first."

"I'll keep that in mind for next time."

Livia brooded for a moment. "I hope you're not thinking of having any more children," she added. "That would just be embarrassing."

Her parents probably intended the look they exchanged to be inscrutable, but they failed entirely. Livia stood up.

"I can't believe you're doing this to me!" she shrieked. "It's not fair! It's the most unfair thing I've ever heard! Do you hate me?"

"Nobody hates you, Livia," said her father.

"Then why are you ruining my life?" she demanded. "Just when it's starting to be perfect! I might as well stay on Earth and work in a shop for all you two care." She stomped out of the room, and paused in the doorway to turn and add, "and I hate both of you and I wish I were dead."

As she made her way upstairs, she heard her mother say, "Yes, she gets like that sometimes. I've always assumed it came from your side of the family."

Livia slammed the door as loudly as she could, but she had the uncomfortable feeling that no one cared.

 

THE END

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cheer Up Emo, Time Moppet (An Up-to-Date Story for Today's Youth)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/62718) by [hhertzof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hhertzof/pseuds/hhertzof)




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